I recorded this episode with one of my dearest friends, Theresa Todd, and if you don’t know her yet, you’re about to. She’s been through my speaker coaching, my Firebrand Accelerator, she’s spoken at my events, and watching her step into who she really is has been one of my favorite things to witness these past couple of years. She hosts her own events now, she has a book coming, and somehow she’s still fully present as a mom through all of it.

This episode is about something Theresa calls owning your mantle of leadership in your home. But to get there, she had to walk through a story I think a lot of you are going to recognize.

Theresa grew up as the second of four girls, and somewhere along the way, she got labeled the bad one. Fiery, outspoken, a bigger personality than everyone knew what to do with. And somewhere in that, as a little girl, she started believing something was actually wrong with her. Not that she did something bad. That she was bad.

So she did what so many of us do. She went into performance mode. Good grades, top of her class, achievement after achievement, but underneath all of it, she was chasing validation she never quite caught. It’s never enough, she told me. You hit the next level thinking you’ll finally feel like you’ve arrived, and you don’t.

Then she became a mom, which she had wanted more than almost anything. But underneath the excitement was terror. She felt unqualified, isolated, ashamed, and too afraid to admit any of it out loud because everyone else looked like they had it together. When her anger came out sideways with her kids, the shame cycle just got worse.

Here’s the thing that stopped me when she said it. Shame says, I am bad. Guilt says, I did something bad. One is an identity attack. The other is just something you can repair. And for years, Theresa was carrying shame when what she actually needed was grace.

The turning point came in a quiet, ordinary moment. She was on a Zoom call, watching her nanny walk her toddlers across the street to the park, and something in her just wanted to cry. Her husband had already told her, you don’t have to do this. And in that moment, she felt God inviting her to release her tight grip and simply trust Him with this season. He told her something she’s never forgotten. You are the heart of your home. But if your heart stays broken, you’ll keep leading from that broken place.

That started a real refining process for her. Not fixing her behavior first, but healing what was underneath it. She started getting curious instead of just reactive. When a trigger hit, she’d ask herself what it was actually about. Fear? Feeling unseen? Not knowing what to say to her child in the moment? Then she’d bring that honestly to God instead of stuffing it down, and she’d find scripture to stand on instead of the lie she’d been agreeing with.

And somewhere in that process, she reclaimed a word she used to run from. Bad. Except now it means something different to her. Bad in the best way. Blessed. Chosen on purpose. Fiery, but fiery for something. That reclaiming is actually where her show, the Bad Mom Show, came from.

What I love most about where Theresa is now is how she talks about authority. Not control, authority. Speaking truth boldly over her home instead of just reacting to whatever chaos walks through the door. Refusing to agree with fear or sickness or comparison just because it showed up. Praying out loud over her kids, even when it feels a little uncomfortable at first.

And through all of it, she’s still fiercely present as a mom. She checks her own motivations often, keeps real boundaries around her phone when her kids are around, and instead of compartmentalizing work and motherhood, she brings her kids into the journey. They help her pack gift bags for her events. They watch her show. They’re starting to ask what God might have planned for them too, just from watching her.

If any part of Theresa’s story sounds familiar, the shame, the performance, the fear that you’re somehow failing at the thing you want to do most, I want you to hear this. You are not a bad mom. You might just be bad in the best way.

Listen to the full episode 186 here

One more thing. Theresa’s Bad Mom Society launches this month, so keep an eye on her page for that. And this November, my book, Expansion Syndrome, is finally coming out. Theresa and I will actually be together at FounderCon this year too, so I hope to see some of you there.