A few weeks ago I was rushing to catch a connecting flight in Chicago, and somewhere in the middle of that airport, I just broke down crying. Not cute, not polished, not even really explainable to the people walking past me. One minute I was speed walking to my gate, the next I was standing there crying so hard I could barely breathe.

I posted about it on Instagram that day, completely unfiltered, the way you’d jot something in your notes app at two in the morning. And I’ve wanted to talk about it more ever since.

Here’s the strange part of the season I’m in right now. Some of the most exciting, God given things of my life are happening at the same time as some of the most painful. My book is launching. Firebrand is launching. I’m getting to speak alongside leaders I deeply admire. And in that same breath, I’m walking through one of the hardest seasons I’ve ever experienced. Both things are true, at the same time, in the same heart.

For a while I genuinely wondered if I should stop. I thought about not publishing the book at all, because how could I talk about expansion and calling and stepping into more, while I felt like I was barely holding myself together. Thankfully I have friends who told me the truth. The message still matters. I’m not disqualified just because I’m going through something hard.

So I started praying something I don’t think I’ve ever prayed out loud before. God, am I even allowed to prosper here? Is this a season where everything gets stripped away, or can I actually grow in the middle of this?

The verse before the promise

That question led me back to a part of scripture a lot of us know the ending of, but skip right past the beginning. Jeremiah 29:11 gets quoted everywhere. Plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

But back up a few verses and here’s what’s actually happening. God’s people are in exile. They’ve lost their home, their land, everything familiar. And instead of telling them to just wait it out until things get better, God tells them something different. Build houses. Plant gardens. Get married. Have children. Seek the peace and prosperity of the very place you didn’t choose to be in, because if it prospers, you will too.

In other words, don’t wait for exile to end before you start living again. Expand right where you are, even when where you are is hard.

That changed something in me. I don’t have to wait for this season to feel clean and tidy before I keep showing up. I can be the one with tears still on my face and still choose to build. Still choose to show up messy.

If you’re walking through a season where beautiful things and devastating things are happening at the same time, I made this episode for you. I’m sharing the full prayer, the full scripture, and what I’ve decided to do with my own expansion in the middle of my own exile.

Listen to Episode 190 here