Before we even hit record this week, my friend Jan Touchberry told me something I’m still smiling about. She read my new book, Expansion Syndrome, from cover to cover. She said that doesn’t always happen, and it was also the first time she had ever interviewed an author about a new book. I felt so honored.

So we sat down, and Jan went through the lines that jumped off the page for her. Here’s a little of what we talked about.

First, what even is expansion syndrome? It’s my own term, a play on imposter syndrome. It came out of my coaching work. Whether I was talking to a woman who was just starting out or someone who had studied theology at Harvard, they all felt like imposters the moment they went to put their message out in the world. But here’s what I noticed in my own story. God calls imposters. All the time. David was a shepherd. His whole world was sheep, and then God asked him to lead a nation. I can only imagine how unqualified he felt. Moses, Esther, Jonah and Peter are the same story.

Expansion syndrome is what happens when God calls you into something bigger than your current identity, but it’s exactly what you were born to do. He’s speaking to the king in your heart, and we say, “But I’m not qualified.” And He says, “I’m going to equip you.”

Jan asked a question I think a lot of us are afraid to ask. Why is it so hard to lean into God when we feel like we’re not enough? I told her I think it’s all for dependence. Jesus died for a relationship with us, and God loves to put us in places where we have to fall on our knees and ask for help. Our flesh doesn’t love that. We like control. We like knowing exactly what’s going to happen. But there’s no growth without discomfort. And the beautiful part is that it takes the pressure off. I can look at my business and honestly say, it wasn’t me. I just took the step, which is the uncomfortable part.

We also talked about how to know if you’re in the right room. When you’re in the wrong room, you laugh at jokes you don’t think are funny and you hide parts of yourself to fit in. In the right room, you feel stretched, and at the same time you feel more like yourself. For me, it was getting around women who were making four times what I was, with bigger teams and more experience. I felt so out of my depth. But I also realized that I love sparkles and peach and pink and bright colors, and I don’t actually love gray, even though my house is gray. I felt permission to be unapologetically me.

Then Jan asked about desire. So many of us, especially women, feel like it’s wrong to want more. I shared a little of my own story. After my son was born, God told me to lay something down, and it was a relief, because the desire to just be a mom was good and it was enough. Then three years later, a new desire showed up. In December I had no interest in posting content online. In January it felt like the best idea in the world. I prayed and said, God, if this is You, make it clear. Five days later I posted a video on TikTok. It got 22 million views, and the next morning the Kelly Clarkson Show reached out.

I also tell a story about my eight year old, a trampoline, and a backflip, and what I said when he came to me and told me he felt like God wanted him to try it. I’ll let you hear that one. It got me thinking about how the enemy takes our pure hearts and uses them against us. Women tell me they want to speak on a stage, but it feels icky, like they’re promoting themselves, and that fear is exactly how the enemy keeps them quiet. If God is giving you the desire, get the microphone.

Jan and I also talked about the voices around you, and how fear can show up dressed like wisdom. It’s worth asking whether the people in your room are voices of faith or voices of fear.

There’s a scripture in Proverbs 31 that God gave me when I started stepping out. Everyone else saw a field, and He was showing me a vineyard. This book was my field four years ago, and I’m praying it becomes a vineyard for someone else.

The antidote to imposter syndrome is authenticity, so this whole book ends up being a conversation about who you really are. Jan read a part about the names we’re called over the course of our lives, each one revealing a deeper layer of who we are. Some names affirm where you are, and others call you into where you’re going. We wrapped up this first part talking about motherhood, because I did not feel equipped to be a mom, and God equipped me on the job. It’s the same when He births a new desire in you. You step into it with faith, trusting that His mercies are new every morning.

This is part one, and part two comes next week.

Listen to Episode 193 here

So here’s my question for you. Is there a desire in your heart that you’ve been calling selfish, when it might actually be from God?

EXPANSION SYNDROME IS OUT NOW!

It’s officially here. Expansion Syndrome is out in the world, and I can hardly believe I get to say that.

If you’ve been following along, you know this book has been a long road. I almost didn’t publish it because of what I’ve been walking through this season. But I’m so glad I did, because I believe in this message with my whole heart.

Expansion Syndrome is my own twist on the term imposter syndrome. It’s what happens when God calls you into something bigger than your current identity, even though it’s exactly what you were created to do. I wrote it for the woman who loves Jesus, knows she’s called to more, and still wonders if she’s qualified.

And I wrote it to remind you that the feeling of “I’m not enough” might not be a stop sign. It might be what expansion feels like, because it makes room for Him to be enough.

Get Expansion Syndrome on Amazon here

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