Last week I was sitting on the floor of a hotel room in Nashville, trying to get decent lighting for this episode in between sessions at a conference. Messy, but consistent. That’s just where I was.

And the thing on my heart that week actually started in my own car, with my daughter.

She had a school performance coming up, The Three Little Pigs Opera (I mean, come on, so cute), and she told me on the drive there, “Mom, I’m nervous to go up on stage and sing.”

Totally normal. Every one of us has felt that before a big moment.

So I asked her why, and she said, “Because I’m afraid people will laugh at me.” We talked it through, and I asked her three simple questions. Do you like to sing? Does your singing honor the Lord? Is it hurting anyone?

She said yes, yes, and no. So I told her, if it’s something you love, it honors God, and it’s not hurting anybody, then it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

That question has been living in me ever since, because I think it applies to way more than a school stage. It applies to the business you want to start. The content you’re scared to post. The voice you keep talking yourself out of using.

What we actually tell ourselves

Here’s what I’ve noticed, in my own life and in the people I talk to. It’s rarely the big obvious things that hold us back. It’s the quiet stuff we say to ourselves on repeat.

For years I told myself I was too much. Too passionate, too over the top, tone it down Melissa. I told myself I needed to work forty hours a week or I wasn’t contributing, wasn’t valuable, until I read something that challenged that completely. I ended up doing less, not more, and that’s the season I posted one simple video of my kids and ended up with 22 million views and a spot on the Kelly Clarkson Show.

I’ve told myself I wasn’t smart enough to be an entrepreneur, because I’m not naturally administrative. Turns out that’s not a flaw to fix, it’s just a gap to delegate.

And maybe the biggest one, I’ve told myself I’m shy. But a lot of the time, shy is just a cover for being afraid to be seen.

Mother yourself

Someone at a conference said something to me recently that I haven’t been able to shake. She said, you are worthy to be cared for. And she challenged all of us to mother ourselves.

Think about what a good mom actually does. She’s encouraging. She believes in you. And she also tells you to go brush your teeth again because you missed a spot. Both things, at the same time.

That’s what I want to invite you into this week. Less negative self talk, more honest encouragement. Less I can’t, more here’s what I’m going to do about it.

So before you let one more limiting belief run the show, ask yourself the same three questions I asked my daughter. Do you like it? Does it honor God? Is it hurting anyone?

If it’s a yes, yes, no, then whatever it is, it’s worth stepping toward.

Listen to Episode 189 here